Thursday, May 20, 2010

past musings...

I've never considered myself a very good writer--- but I was reading one of my past journals and I happily stumbled upon this entry dated Oct 24, 2004.
"Lately I've been so hard on myself.
depressed
Disappointed in my short comings.
Disappointed by my weaknesses
my inabilities
my frailties
my faults
things I'm just not good at.
If desire and wishing made it happen or be true...
oh! how would I be...
I would be gracious and warm and welcoming to everyone I met.
I would be patient and loving and full of service and kind deeds to my husband and children.
I would have quiet wisdom-
to know the right thing to say
at the right moment
and the right thing to do.
I would reach out to people with my arms and my heart.
People would look at me and would feel the genuine love and concern I had for them.
Oh if wishes came true- just by wishing!
I would be a wonderful writer and a skilled musician.
Whatever was needed- I could fill the void.
I would be a poet and a peacemaker.
Yes- the things I would be and accomplish!
Great and small.
And truly- not for the glory of the world- but because it is nice to be needed.
It is nice to feel wanted and loved.
It's a nice feeling to be able to help.
I'm willing- but my skills are lacking.
I'm willing- but my patience is thin.
I'm willing - but I'm too tired to make the effort
I'm willing - but I feel to awkward
too much a stranger , to reach out
But there is hope.
The hope is Heavenly Father just asks for a willing heart
and He does the rest.
He'll give me wisdom
He'll bless me with charity
He'll whisper what I can do to help others..
I just have to be willing and listen."

4 comments:

Christi said...

I feel the same way... often. But then, if we already were all of those things, what would be the point of this life? We would be transalted and leave our loved ones all behind!!

Sandra said...

Awesome post. Hard to believe you feel/felt this way. To me you are one of the most talented, kind, outgoing people I know. I guess we all have our moments.

T said...

beautiful - pretty sure that sums up my day... maybe not the depressed part - but the wanting to be better, and the willing to let God show me how...

Amanda said...

Laura, if you could only see yourself as others do. You are all of these wonderful things! you're amazing and talented and accomlished in so many areas. And you have more drive and gung-ho than any person I've met.

Your dad and I had lunch together today and while we ate we chatted...about you! We both talked about how awesome you are. He would light up telling me stories of your triumphs in life and there was not enough time to relate even a small portion of them.

I know there are days when we all feel like this, but I hope your days like this are few because YOU are beautiful, kind, loving, thoughtful, and so many other things that words cannot describe.

Lots of love to you!

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